Oh My Ra!
by Darth Mudkip
Summary: Ryou's been 'molested', but it's not by anyone you'd expect. Just what is Malik going to do with Excalibur, and how is it going to help his now tanned friend? Yaoi. Fluff. Crack. Some RXM.


A loud bang was heard as the front door to a small apartment complex was opened. A thin framed male fell through the now opened doorframe. His skin was reddish pink color, as if he was blushing all over his body. A groan was heard when he landed face-forward onto the carpeted floor.

"Ryou! What happen?" Came the call from the roommate of the one who fell. His purple eyes conveying worry for his white haired friend. "Your skin it's all colored!" He gasped as he got lower to the floor and turned his friend over to look at him. "Who did this to you? Who took away your paleness?" He asked lifting him off the ground slightly and shaking his friend's shoulders to emphasize how distraught he was.

"Mal... ik… stop… hur… hurts." Ryou whispered in broken words.

"Oh, sorry, hehe." Malik let go of his friend causing him to fall to the floor and release a groan in pain. "Crap, sorry… again."

"He wouldn't stop touching me, Malik!"The pink one gasped in between breaths. It was evident that he was disturbed about what had happen.

"Who did it, Ryou?" Malik said resisting the urge to shake his friend again, being the physical ball of sunshine that he is.

"It… it…. it was… "

"Who? You can tell me!"

"…Ra"

"Was it my yami? You know he means no harm he just likes soft things, like your hair."

"No, Malik, you don't understand! It was Ra! As in the Winged Dragon of Ra, the sun god."

"Oh okay, wait what? Why would Ra-ikins do that to you? He doesn't like pale people… no offense." He added.

"He said I was fluffy, so much that… that the only thing I was missing was a…tan… I don't want to be tan, Malik!"

"Get a hold of yourself, Ryou!" Malik exclaimed once again lifting and shaking his friend senseless. "I won't allow Ra-ikins to do this to you!"

"Malik!" Ryou look up at his friend with happiness and admiration in his eyes, but then Malik continued to talk.

"After all, I am the only one allowed to be tan in this household!"

"Ahh, of course…" Ryou whispered before he was dropped to the ground again. Malik could be so… so clueless!

"Come, let us go find it!" He jumped up from his position on the ground.

"F-find what?"

"Excalibur!"

"Excalibur?" Ryou questioned from his quite comfortable prone position on the floor.

"Ra's one weakness!"

"…Malik?"

"Yes?"

"Are you high?"

"No… should I be?" he tilted his head to the side, a dazed and blonde look on his face.

~o(0)o~

"What's with all the gear, Malik?" The slightly less pale than normal teen questioned, when his roommate walked into the room dressed in his classic lilac tee, with short, booty cargo shorts and a matching lilac backpack. The Rod was sheathed like a sword within his belt loop.

"I'm hunting down Excalibur." Malik deadpanned. He had already explained this once!

"You were serious about that?"

"Of course I was! Ra-ikins is trying to make you _tan_! We can't let that happen!"

"But where are you going to find Excalibur, Malik?" Ryou asked tilting his head with an adorable expression of confusion plastered on his face.

"See, that's why you can't be tan, you'll lose the effect of your cuteness." He nodded and crossed his arms in affirmation. "And don't you worry about where we are going to find it, I already know!"

"Do I even want to know where you are going to find it?" Ryou asked worried.

"You should. You're going with me, duh."

"…WHAT!"

"Yep, come on let's go!" Malik grabbed his friend's arm and dragged him out of their apartment.

~o(0)o~

"Welcome to Burger World, what can I get for you?" The cashier chirped to the two in line.

"I would like a Burger Kids Meal, without the meat, and my not quite pale friend would like the same thing but with meat." Malik said, stopping Ryou's protest before he could even start them.

"Do you want the toy with it, sir?"

"Of course I do! It's the only way I can defeat Ra!"

"… Alright, sir, that will be $12.78."

"Kay…." Malik pulled out the Rod from his belt loop to command the server to give them the food for free. The cashier's eyes went dull from the effect of the rod as she pulled out her purse and placed the money into the drawer herself. She turned around and prepared the kids meal for the two teens, toys included. "Have a nice day." Malik said grabbing the food, releasing her mind and dragging Ryou away all at the same time.

"Malik…. Why are we here?" Ryou asked as he was placed into the booth.

"To get Excalibur! I saw something on TV about it being located in a Burger Kids Meal." He rushed through his kid's meal box before dragging out a miniature plastic sword.

"That's Excalibur?" How could his life have come to this?

"Uh-huh, now the next time Ra tries to molest you, I can defend your honor."

There was a heavy pause, "Are you sure you're not on drugs?"

~o(0)o~

"Malik, how long do I need to stand here like this?" Ryou questioned while gesturing to the ridiculous outfit his friend had placed (read forced) him into. He was clad in an _itsy bitsy, teeny weeny,_ yellow polka dot bikini with enough tanning oil to cook a herd of elephants smeared on his skin. Malik had forced him into a seductive pose, his butt pointing out and his hands on his chest.

"Until Ra gets here, creampuff."

"Hmmph." Ryou crossed his arms over his chest, escaping the pose "I still don't see how this is going to help. I look ridiculous!"

"No, you look adorable and fluffy, which is what you need to hunt down the great and powerful Ra!" Malik threw his hands into the arm and laughed manically. Who said all his darkness left with Marik.

Just as Malik finished his 'slightly' dark laugh, a bright glimmer of light shined down from the heavens upon them. Basked in a golden glow, the Winged Dragon of Ra descended down to them. Slight crunching was heard as he transformed into a human form. Gold skin was enveloped into a rich russet color. The pillars of power became golden blond hair and his feathers became a Shendyt, also gold in color.

"MALIK!" Ra yelled glomping onto one of his favorite Egyptians. "I would know that laugh anywhere!"

"RA-IKINS!" Malik jumped into the glomp, forgetting that Ra was his supposed 'enemy' for the moment. "I missed you!" He snuggled up the glowing man.

Several awkward moments passed for Ryou, who was trying to ignore what was happening in front of him as well as trying to cover up his body. No longer being able to watch what was happening, he made a little coughing sound before speaking. "Umm…. Guys?" Both males turned their heads in sync with each other and looked at Ryou. Glancing back at each other and then back to Ryou, Ra shoved Malik away and then grabbed onto Ryou, scorching his pale skin with his warmth. "Ugh, let go! I don't _want_ to be tan!" he protested.

"But your soooooooooooo freaking cute!" Ra squealed like a fangirl "I want you to be tan, and as Ra I command it! So be tan, beeeeeeee taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!" To emphasize his point Ra rubbed his clawed hands up and down any exposed skin that he could reach while continuing to chant 'be tan'.

"No, stop it, Ra! He's too pale to take all your awesome at once!"Malik said trying to pry Ra off of his friend.

"Nonsense! He must be tan, Malik! He will be tan, in just a few more minutes, days, or molesting sessions!" Ra bellowed out a laugh that was hearty and warm, just like his skin. He refused to relent on his molestation of Ryou, even going as far to ignore the constant poking he started to receive from Malik. "You know you can't stop me, Malik. Instead of being upset, you should rejoice in the knowledge that he too will be tanned and become an honorary Egyptian."

"But, but, but….. errrr-I know. Raaaaaaaa, if you let him go I'll give you a gift." Malik sung, successfully drawing Ra's attention to him.

"…What kind of gift?" he questioned, still holding onto Ryou.

"I'll give you Excalibur."

"NO WAY!" Ra released his no longer completely pale hostage and jumped for joy. "I never get those in my Burger Kids Meal! I only get the King Arthur action figure!" He stuck out his hand and grabbed the toy sword that was being offered. "Okay you win, he will not be tanned as of yet." He paused dramatically before continuing "But mark my words, Ryou, I will have you tanned before your 21st birthday, and your tan line, that I have created today, will be no more!" He laughed and turned into his dragon form and flew back into the heavens.

"…..Malik?" Ryou called to his friend; his skin now a surfer shade of tan.

"Yes, Ryou?"

"My 21st birthday?"

"Yeah, he does that. He told me that one day I would have two of myself when I was eight. He's always right, I mean come on, he is Ra after all, duh!" Malik giggled

"I understand now."

"Understand what?"

"Why all Egyptians exposed to shadow magic are crazy." Ryou nodded his head "I apologize for all the times I thought you were high. You're never high, just been '_blessed'_ by the crazy that is the sun god." He patted his confused friend on the head before he started to walk back to his apartment.

"Wait?" Malik tilted his head, blonde strands of hair falling into his line of sight. "What are you talking about? I'm not crazy! Ra is the crazy one! How could he not want an Arthur action figure?" Malik declared as he chased after his friend, waving his hands in the air while blowing on his hair, looking like a lunatic.

"Crazy!" Ryou shouted back before he threw his hands into the air, joining his deranged friend, before laughing and running away. Perhaps the blessing of Ra was starting to affect him, that or he really liked Malik._ 'At least you're my crazy Egyptian.'_

* * *

><p>This is random I know but it's not my fault XD<p>

After my birthday I complained about my sun burn saying that I got molested by Ra and it evolved into this because of a conversation I had with my friend.

I was so tempted to put this as Ryou/Ra in the choices XD

Anyway I hoped you enjoyed and if you can leave me a review, even if it's just a go die you freak XD

Random noticed: I have a deathshipping poll up for my next plot bunny I write, vote on it if you can/want to :3


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